The meanest, most contemptible kind of praise is that which first speaks well of a man, and then qualifies it with a "but".
Author: Henry Ward Beecher

The meek shall inherit the earth? Well... I don't think so. If by meek you mean friendly and introverted, okay maybe, but if by meek you mean unwilling to take a chance, then never. If I was a betting man and I had to wager on who I thought would inherit
Author: Jim Coudal

I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he spent less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her sweetness and respecting her seniority.
Author: E. B. White

The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you shine on it, the more it will contract.
Author: Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.

The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.
Author: Maureen Dowd

"You and your husband don't seem to have an awful lot in common," said the new tenant's neighbor. "Why on earth did you get married?" "I suppose it was the old business of 'opposites attract'," was the reply. "He wasn't pregnant and I was."
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes

A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises from inside the aprtment, walks inside to find his wife on the floor of the living room naked. Wife yells, "help, help, I am having a heart attack", the husband runs in the other room to call the doctor when one of his kids run up to him and says "daddy, daddy, there is a naked man in the closet", husband opens the closet door and sees his friend Bob. He yells at Bob, "Bob, god damn it, my wife is having a heart attack and here you are trying to scare the kids"!!!
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes

If your wife comes out of the kitchen to whine at you, what have you usually done wrong? Made her chain too long.
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes

A friend of mine told me he had signed up with one of these on-line dating services. I asked him the other day if he had had any luck and he said he'd quit -- seems they'd matched him up with his wife.
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes

Attorney to witness: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?" Witness: "Where am I Cathy?" Attorney: "And why did that upset you?" Witness: "Because my name is Susan."
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes