Best Cell Phones

You have to be careful who you let define your good.
Author: Lois McMaster Bujold

You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance.
Author: Ray Bradbury

You know criticism when you get into this business. You accept the bad with the good, the tabloids and the positive side of it.
Author: Carmen Electra

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
Author: George Burns

Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul.
Author: Emily Dickinson

A man drinking at the bar for three hours, yells at the bartender for another drink. The bartender walks over and tells the man that he has already had too much to drink. The man looks up from his glass angrily and shouts. "I have been drinking for 36 years and I have no idea when I have had too much ...so how the hell do you know?"
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and asks the barman "Can I have a drink for me and one for the road?"
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A Skeleton walks into a bar, asks for a beer... and a mop.
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

"Shhaaayyy, buddy, what's a 'Breathalyzer'?" asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool. "Well, I'd have to say that it's a bag that tells you when you've drunk way too much," answered the equally wasted gent. "Ah hell, whaddya know? I've been married to one of those for years!"
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. 'Why, of course,' comes the reply. The first man then asks, 'Where are you from?' 'I'm from Ireland,' replies the second man. The first man responds by saying, 'You don't say. I'm from Ireland too. Let's have another round to Ireland.' 'Of course,' replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks, 'Where in Ireland are you from?' 'Dublin,' comes the reply. 'I can't believe it,' says the first man, 'I'm from Dublin too. Let's have another drink to Dublin.' 'Of course,' replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks, 'What school did you go to?' 'St Mary's,' replies the second man, 'I graduated in 1962.' 'This is unbelievable,' the first man says. 'I went to St Mary's and I graduated in 1962 too.' About that time, one of the regulars comes in and sits down at the bar. 'What's been going on?' he asks the barman. 'Nothing much,' replies the barman. 'The O'Malley twins are drunk again.'
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!