Best Cell Phones

I have no other but a woman's reason: I think him so, because I think him so.
Author: William Shakespeare

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
Author: Oscar Wilde

Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other, reach for your wallet, because you're being had.
Author: Michael Crichton

Where facts are few, experts are many.
Author: Donald R. Gannon

The only man, woman, or child who ever wrote a simple declarative sentence with seven grammatical errors is dead.
Author: e e cummings

Why did the vampire attack the clown? He wanted the circus to be in his blood.
This is the joke from a category: Vampire jokes

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote:"I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?" An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."
This is the joke from a category: Travel and tourist jokes

What do you call a gigantic polar bear? Nothing, you just run away!
This is the joke from a category: Various animal jokes

Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup! Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!
This is the joke from a category: Waiter jokes

You're hiking around on Hampsted Heath (a park near London) at the end of a long sunny day. You run across (separately) the ghosts of Sir Winston Churchill, Sir Baden Powell, and Sir Edmund Hillary, who all give you directions to the nearest tube stop. Whom don't you believe? Your story teller, for there is no such thing as a completely sunny day in England.
This is the joke from a category: Weather jokes