Best Cell Phones

If I have ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been owing more to patient attention, than to any other talent.
Author: Isaac Newton

In America, they want you to accomplish these great feats, to pull off these David Copperfield-type stunts. You want me to be great, but you don't ever want me to say I'm great?
Author: Kanye West

When you know a thing, to hold that you know it; and when you do not know a thing, to allow that you do not know it - this is knowledge.
Author: Confucius

It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.
Author: Terry Pratchett

When you point your finger at someone, three fingers are pointing back at you.
Author: Anonymous

All our pigs are learning karate. Oh, I don't believe that No? Well, just watch out for their chops.
This is the joke from a category: Pig jokes

When toasting the holidays, Republicans ask for eggnog or mulled wine. Democrats ask for a "Bud."
This is the joke from a category: Political jokes

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France." The new man asked, "What happened?" "One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"
This is the joke from a category: Police jokes

Did you hear about the pub owner who raised a baby rabbit? It was an inn-grown hare!
This is the joke from a category: Rabbit jokes

A Jewish guy called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes into the synagogue and begins to pray "God, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto". Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Jacob goes back to the synagogue. "God, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well". Lotto night comes and Jacob still has no luck!! Back to the synagogue. "My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???". Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Jacob is confronted by the voice of GOD himself: "JACOB, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE, BUY A DAMN TICKET"
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes