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If someone offers you a gift, and you decline to accept it, the other person still owns that gift. The same is true of insults and verbal attacks.
Author: Steve Pavlina

If suffer we must, let's suffer on the heights.
Author: Victor Hugo

If the human mind was simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it.
Author: Emerson Pugh

If the point is sharp, and the arrow is swift, it can pierce through the dust no matter how thick.
Author: Bob Dylan

If the wind will not serve, take to the oars.
Author: Latin Proverb

As Bill was approaching mid-life, physically he was a mess. Not only was he going bald, but years of office work had given him a large pot belly. The last straw came when he asked a woman co-worker out on a date, and she all but laughed at him. That does it, he decided. I'm going to start a whole new regimen. He began attending aerobics classes. He started working out with weights. He changed his diet. And he got an expensive hair transplant. In six months, he was a different man. Again, he asked his female co-worker out, and this time she accepted. There he was, all dressed up for the date, looking better than he ever had. He stood poised to ring the woman's doorbell, when a bolt of lightning struck him and knocked him off his feet. As he lay there dying, he turned his eyes toward the heavens and said, "Why, God, why now? After all I've been through, how could you do this to me?" Fr om up above, there came a voice, "Sorry. I didn't not recoginize you."
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

A Nun and her friend, Sarah were playing golf. Sarah misses a 3 foot putt and yells, "Goddamn it, missed the bugger!" and the nun says, "If you keep saying that then God will punish you." Next hole Sarah misses a 2 foot putt and says "Goddamn it, missed the bugger!" and the nun says, "ONE more time Sarah, and God will punish you!" Then Sarah misses a neoot putt and says "GOD DAMN IT!!!MISSED THE BUGGER!" Suddenly clouds form overhead. God comes down from Heaven and strikes the nun dead with a bolt of thunder. God says, "Goddamn it! Missed the bugger!"
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are traveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield. "Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Mary Agnes, "What should we do?" "Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Mary Vincent. Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock the mini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts. "Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy water before we left the Vatican," replies Sister Mary Vincent. Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. The vampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns. "Now what?" shouts Sis ter Mary Agnes. "Show him your cross," says Sister Mary Vincent. "Now you're talking," says Sister Mary Agnes. She then opens the window and shouts, "Get the hell off our car!"
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

A mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end..."And lead us not into temptation", she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail, Amen."
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green. Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green. The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But, just before it falls into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As the fish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies over the green where a lightning bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, the eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in -one. Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don't stop fooling around, we won't bring you next time."
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes