Best Cell Phones

I do press junkets and people will tell me what I've supposedly said in articles and I always disagree with myself. 'Why in the world would I say that?'
Author: Meg Ryan

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
Author: J. R. R. Tolkien

I dont like animals. Its a strange thing, I dont like men and I dont like animals. As for God, he is beginning to disgust me.
Author: Samuel Beckett

I don't think the money people in Hollywood have ever thought I was normal, but I am dedicated to my work and that's what counts.
Author: Angelina Jolie

I don't want someone shoving his views down my throat, unless they're covered in a crunchy candy shell.
Author: Stephen Colbert

Two ladies were hanging out together and one was depressed. "What's wrong?" The depressed one replied, "I've been married four times and everyone of my husbands has passed away." The other lady asked, "What did they used to do?" The depressed lady replied, "Well, my first husband was a millionaire, the second was a magician, the third was an evangelist, and the fourth was a mortician." And the other said, "Oh, one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
This is the joke from a category: Men jokes

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? - Because a woman who can't afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
This is the joke from a category: Men jokes

Q. How does a man show he's planning for the future? A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
This is the joke from a category: Men jokes

Q. What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.
This is the joke from a category: Men jokes