Best Cell Phones

There are two modes of establishing our reputation: to be praised by honest men, and to be abused by rogues. It is best, however, to secure the former, because it will invariably be accompanied by the latter.
Author: Charles Caleb Colton

There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it.
Author: George Bernard Shaw

There are very few jobs that actually require a penis or vagina. All other jobs should be open to everybody.
Author: Florynce Kennedy

There art two cardinal sins from which all others spring: Impatience and Laziness.
Author: Franz Kafka

Self-respect is the cornerstone of all virtue.
Author: John Herschel

Q: What is the difference between a viola and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline.
This is the joke from a category: Music jokes

Q: What do you call the folks who hang around the musicians at conservatories? A: Violists.
This is the joke from a category: Music jokes

Q: Which positions does a violist use? A: First, third, and emergency.
This is the joke from a category: Music jokes

A violist comes home late at night to discover fire trucks, police cars, and a smoking crater where his house used to be. The chief of police comes over to him and tells him, "While you were out, the conductor came to your house, killed your family, and burned the house down." The violist replied, "You're kidding! The conductor came to my house?"
This is the joke from a category: Music jokes

Q: Why does a viola burn longer than a violin? A: It is usually still in the case.
This is the joke from a category: Music jokes