Best Cell Phones

Make all you can, save all you can, give all you can.
Author: John Wesley

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
Author: Robert Orben

Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens.
Author: Epictetus

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
Author: Andy Rooney

Life is made up of sobs, sniffles and smiles, with sniffles predominating.
Author: O. Henry

A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender asks the seal, "What's your pleasure?" The seal replies, "Anything but Canadian Club."
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club. "You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A man had been out in the back woods for weeks, cutting logs. He was a bit scruffy and didn't smell very good. Finally he needed a break and came in to town for a few beers. In the bar, he saw the local jock of the town's football team. He was bragging about his girlfriend and how she was lucky to have him for a boyfriend. The lumberjack, after drinking six bottles of beer, was heard to say, "Buddy, if she went out with me, she'd never go out with you ever again." To which the local jock replied, "Hey buddy, if she went out with you, she'd never go out with ANYONE ever again."
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey. After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water it, and it swims around. She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?" He responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man's friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw his buddy and his girlfriend kissing, then walked back into the bar laughing. "What's so funny?" the bartender asked. "That stupid Dave!" the fellow chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!