Best Cell Phones

When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your business.
Author: Lenny Bruce

Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off.
Author: Ellen DeGeneres

When you close your doors, and make darkness within, remember never to say that you are alone, for you are not alone; nay, God is within, and your genius is within. And what need have they of light to see what you are doing?
Author: Epictetus

Property left to a child may soon be lost; but the inheritance of virtue--a good name an unblemished reputation--will abide forever. If those who are toiling for wealth to leave their children, would but take half the pains to secure for them virtuous hab
Author: William Graham Sumner

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Author: Norm Crosby

Men are like mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
This is the joke from a category: Men jokes

A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week." "I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter." "For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."
This is the joke from a category: Mental health jokes

A retired sergeant was asked: "Well, how do you like civilian life?" "Terrible," he said gruffly, "all those people around and nobody in charge!"
This is the joke from a category: Military jokes

A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't on a honeymoon, nor would there be any "we" in the first place."
This is the joke from a category: Money jokes

How does Frankenstein sit in his chair? Bolt upright.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes