Best Cell Phones

I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them.
Author: H. L. Mencken

Success is meaningless if you can't sleep at night because of harsh things said, petty secrets sharpened against hard and stony regret, just waiting to be plunged into the soft underbelly of a 'friendship.'
Author: Margaret Cho

Success isn't permanent, and failure isn't fatal.
Author: Mike Ditka

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
Author: Mark Twain

Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind.
Author: William Shakespeare

There was a farmer who had a herd of pigs. One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer: "What do you use to feed your pigs?" "Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that. Why?" "Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you don't feed them like you should, they shouldn't eat wastes." Then he fined the farmer. Some days later, another person arrived and asked the same question. The farmer answered: "Well, I feed them very well. I give them salmon, caviar, shrimp, steak...why?" "Because I am from the United Nations Organization and I think it's unfair that you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying with nothing to eat." And he fined the farmer. Finally, another man came in and asked just the same question. The hesitant farmer answered after a few minutes: "Well, I give five dollars to each pig so they can buy whatever they want."
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes

A farmer and his girlfriend were out for a stroll in the fields when they came across a cow and a calf rubbing noses. "Boy," said the farmer, "that sure makes me want to do the same." "Well, go ahead," said his girlfriend. "It's your cow."
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes

"Tell me," said the hiker to the local farmer, "will this pathway take me to the main road?" "No, sir," replied the farmer, "you'll have to go by yourself!"
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes

A farmer purchased an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields were grown over with weeds, the farmhouse was falling apart, and the fences were broken down. During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!" A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Lo and behold, it's a completely different place. The farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there is plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows. "Amazing!" the preacher says. "Look what God and you have accomplished together!" "Yes, reverend," says the farmer, "but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone!"
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes

Did you hear about the farmer who fed crayons to his chickens? He wanted them to lay coloured eggs!
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes