Best Cell Phones

Stupid men are often capable of things the clever would not dare to contemplate...
Author: Terry Pratchett

Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.
Author: Reggie Leach

Success only hurts the first time.
Author: Randy K. Milholland

Such praise coming from so degraded a source, was degrading to me, its recipient.
Author: Cicero

Sure i'm for helping the elderly. I'm going to be old myself some day.
Author: Lillian Carter

There was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up the sign and posted it in the field. The next day the kids show up and they see this sign, it says "Warning!! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide." So the kids run off, make up their own sign and post it next to the sign that the farmer made. The farmer shows up the next week and when he looks over the field he notices that no watermelons are missing but he notices a new sign next to his. He drives up to the sign which read: "Now there are two".
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes

A farmer gets sent to jail, and his wife is trying to hold the farm together until her husband can get out. She's not, however, very good at farm work, so she writes a letter to him in jail: "Dear sweetheart, I want to plant the potatoes. When is the best time to do it?" The farmer writes back: "Honey, don't go near that field. That's where all my guns are buried." But, because he is in jail all of the farmer's mail is censored. So when the sheriff and his deputies read this, they all run out to the farm and dig up the entire potato field looking for guns. After two full days of digging, they don't find one single weapon. The farmer then writes to his wife: "Honey, now is when you should plant the potatoes."
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes

A farmer was interviewing a young man for the job of assistant farmhand. `You'll need to be fit,' said the farmer. `Have you ever had any illnesses? Any accidents?' 'No, sir,' replied the young man proudly. `But you're on crutches. You must have had an accident!' said the farmer. `Oh, the crutches!' said the young man. `A bull tossed me last week. But that wasn't an accident! He did it on purpose!'
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes

Q: When is a farmer like a magician? A: When he turns his cow to pasture.
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes

Why was the farmer hopping mad ? Because someone had trodden on his corn !
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes