Best Cell Phones

I am not merry; but I do beguile The thing I am, by seeming otherwise.
Author: William Shakespeare

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Author: Henny Youngman

I trust that everything happens for a reason, even when we're not wise enough to see it.
Author: Oprah Winfrey

I used to wake up at 4 A.M. and start sneezing, sometimes for five hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness.
Author: James Thurber

I view my job as being someone who is supposed to piss people off. I don't want to be just one-of-the-guys. I don't want to be just a smiling face you see on television presenting some vapid kind of easily- digestible garbage. This is rock and roll. I wan
Author: Marilyn Manson

Teacher: Why is the Mississippi such an unusual river? Pupil: Because it has four eyes and can't see!
This is the joke from a category: School jokes

Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I didn't know where the Rockies were. Mother: Well next time remember where you put things!
This is the joke from a category: School jokes

An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I left it in my shirt and my mother put it in the washing machine
This is the joke from a category: School jokes

An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I loaned it to a friend, but he suddenly moved away
This is the joke from a category: School jokes

Teacher: Didn't you hear me call you? Pupil: But you said not to answer you back!
This is the joke from a category: School jokes