Best Cell Phones

We should live our lives as though Christ were coming this afternoon.
Author: Jimmy Carter

We sleep, but the loom of life never stops, and the pattern which was weaving when the sun went down is weaving when it comes up in the morning.
Author: Henry Ward Beecher

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
Author: Rita Rudner

I was thought to be 'stuck up.' I wasn't. I was just sure of myself. This is and always has been an unforgivable quality to the unsure.
Author: Bette Davis

We used to think that if we knew one, we knew two, because one and one are two. We are finding that we must learn a great deal more about 'and'.
Author: Sir Arthur Eddington

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes

Men are like bike helmets. They are handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.
This is the joke from a category: Men jokes

A psychologist is at a party talking with a small group of people, when a man comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder. The psychologist turns around and the man hauls off and decks him. The psychologist gets up, brushes himself off, turns to the group and declares: "That's his problem."
This is the joke from a category: Mental health jokes

During an army basic training, the lieutenant took the batch on a match and asked each of them where home was. After everyone had answered, he sneered and said "you are all wrong, the army is now your home". Back at the barracks, he read the evening duties, then asked the first sergeant if he had anything to say "you bet I do" the sergeant replied, "men, while you were gone today, I found beds improperly made, clothes not hanging correctly, shoes not shined and footlockers a mess. Where do you think you are? Home?
This is the joke from a category: Military jokes

What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire? A very witch person.
This is the joke from a category: Money jokes