Best Cell Phones

I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell.
Author: Harry S Truman

I only know two pieces; one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't.
Author: Victor Borge

I paint self-portraits because I am so often alone, because I am the person I know best.
Author: Frida Kahlo

I ran the wrong kind of business, but I did it with integrity.
Author: Sydney Biddle Barrows

I really do believe I can accomplish a great deal with a big grin, I know some people find that disconcerting, but that doesn't matter.
Author: Beverly Sills

Q. Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? A. When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

Pat and Mike were walking down the street, when they came to the church, Pat says, 'Mike, you wait here, I'm going to run in for confession, it's been a long time'. Pat enters the confessional and says,' Father forgive me, I have sinned with a married woman'. The priest asks, 'was it Mrs Murphy'? 'no, Father', was the reply. 'Was it Mrs O'Boyle'? Again the reply was 'No, Father'. 'Was it Mrs. O'Grady'? Pat said, Father, I'll not be teling you the lady's name! So the priest told him to say two Hail Mary's for each time he had sinned with the woman. Back on the street, Mike said, 'Well, how did you do'? Pat said, 'Just fine, I kept me mouth shut and got 3 new prospects'!
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

Q: When was the longest day in the Bible? A: The day Adam was created because there was no Eve.
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

A Christian man had just died and was on his way to heaven. When he got to the gates of heaven he met an angel. The angel asked him what God's name was. 'Oh that's easy,' the man replied, 'His name is Andy.' 'What make you think his name is Andy?' the angel asked incredulously. 'Well, you see at Church we used to sing this song 'Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me.'
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

The little church in the suburbs suddenly stopped buying from its regular office supply dealer. So, the dealer telephoned Deacon Brown to ask why. "I'll tell you why," shouted Deacon Brown. "Our church ordered some pencils from you to be used in the pews for visitors to register." "Well, interrupted the dealer, "didn't you receive them yet?" "Oh, we received them all right," replied Deacon Brown. "However, you sent us some golf pencils...each stamped with the words, `Play Golf Next Sunday.'"
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes