Best Cell Phones

I know how to do anything - I'm a mom.
Author: Roseanne Barr

I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't.
Author: Mark Twain

I know of only one bird - the parrot - that talks; and it can't fly very high.
Author: Wilbur Wright

I know this--a man got to do what he got to do.
Author: John Steinbeck

I listen to feminists and all these radical gals - most of them are failures. They've blown it. Some of them have been married, but they married some Casper Milquetoast who asked permission to go to the bathroom. These women just need a man in the house.
Author: Jerry Falwell

A very tall monster with several arms and legs, all of different lengths, went into a tailor's shop. 'I'd like to see a suit that will fit me,' he told the tailor. 'So would I, sir,' said the tailor. 'So would I.'
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

What is a monster's favourite society? The Consumers' Association.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

FRED: Your monster was making a terrible noise last night. BERT: Yes - ever since he ate Madonna, he thinks he can sing.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

What did the monster say to his psychiatrist? 'I feel abominable.'
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

What's the hardest part of making monster soup? Stirring it.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes