Best Cell Phones

Nobody talks so constantly about God as those who insist that there is no God.
Author: Heywood Broun

None are so busy as the fool and knave.
Author: John Dryden

Not being able to govern events, I govern myself.
Author: Michel de Montaigne

Not every age is fit for childish sports.
Author: Titus Maccius Plautus

Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies.
Author: Adrienne E. Gusoff

A young bloke has started work on a property, and the boss sends him up the back paddocks to do some fencing work, but come evening he's half an hour late. The boss gets on the CB radio to check if he's all right. "I've got a problem, Boss. I'm stuck 'ere. I've hit a pig!" "Ah well, these things happen sometimes," the boss says. "Just drag the carcass off the road so nobody else hits it in the dark." "But he's not dead, boss. He's gotten tangled up on the bull bar, and I've tried to untangle him, but he's kicking and squealing, and he's real big boss. I'm afraid he's gonna hurt me!" "Never mind," says the boss. "There's a .303 under the tarp in the back. Get that out and shoot him. Then drag the carcass off the road and come on home." "Okay, boss." Another half an hour goes by, but there's still not a peep from the young fella. The boss gets back on the CB. "What's the problem, son?" "Well, I did what you said boss, but I'm still stuck." "What's up? Did you drag the pig off the road like I said?" "Yeah boss, but his motorcycle is still jammed under the truck."
This is the joke from a category: Car and train jokes

What do you say to a one legged hitch-hiker? Hop in.
This is the joke from a category: Car and train jokes

What is evil and ugly and goes at 125 mph? A witch in a high speed train.
This is the joke from a category: Car and train jokes

What do you call a witch who drives really badly? A road hag.
This is the joke from a category: Car and train jokes

How do you stop a dog howling in the back of a car? Put him in the front.
This is the joke from a category: Car and train jokes