Best Cell Phones

Make it your habit not to be critical about small things
Author: Edward Everett

Make sure to be in with your equals if you're going to fall out with your superiors.
Author: Jewish Proverb

Make your own recovery the first priority in your life.
Author: Robin Norwood

Man can learn nothing unless he proceeds from the known to the unknown.
Author: Claude Bernard

Man has to suffer. When he has no real afflictions, he invents some.
Author: Jose Marti

A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac. The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic so he jumps over the bar and ducks down so it won't see him. The barman looks down at him and says, "What's the matter with you? Why are you hiding? You've got six lanes and two hard shoulders. Why are you frightened of a piece of tarmac? The motorway replies, "You don't know him like I do. He's a cyclepath."
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A regular at Bob's Bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful. "Whoa, Sam!" said the bartender. "Who gave those beauties to you?" "Nobody gave them to me," said Sam. "I had to fight like crazy for both of them."
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey. The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer." The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it, I'll play it."
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double. The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. "Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go. "I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir," said the released man. "And why not?" "Because I'm the barman at your regular pub!"
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!