Best Cell Phones

If you done it, it ain't bragging.
Author: Walt Whitman

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to.
Author: Joe Gores

I'm a bit of an abstract figure that people can project their fantasies on; it's pretty much what we all are, otherwise we wouldn't be stars, and people wouldn't be interested. But people project things on you that have nothing to do with what you really
Author: Salma Hayek

On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time.
Author: George Orwell

Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back into the same box.
Author: Italian Proverb

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no," you're gripping the club way too hard!" "Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast."The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up the fairway.The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson.The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asks the wife."Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis." The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway . . . about 15 ft. "That was great,"the pro says. "Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing the club like you're supposed to!" says the pro.
This is the joke from a category: Dirty jokes

A knight and his men returned to their castle after a hard day of fighting. "How are we faring?" asked the king. "Sire!" replied the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies to the west." "What?" shrieked the king, "I don't have any enemies to the west!" "Oh!" said the knight, "Well, you do now."
This is the joke from a category: Dirty jokes

Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher. She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an "r" after the first letter." The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy." A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is. Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, "I remember it has an "r" after the first letter." "That's right!" she coaxed. Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says, "Mrs. Crunt?"
This is the joke from a category: Dirty jokes

Scott finally got his girlfriend into bed, and things were going hot and heavy. "Slow down, baby," she said. "Foreplay is an art." "You better get your canvas ready soon," he panted, "because I'm about to spill my paint!"
This is the joke from a category: Dirty jokes

A retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come work for him as his valet. "Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the army," the general said. "Nothing to it - you'll catch on again fast." Next morning promptly at eight o'clock, the ex-orderly entered the ex-general's bedroom, pulled open the drapes, gave the general a gentle shake, strode around the other side of the bed, spanked his employer's wife on her bottom and said, "OK, sweetheart, it's back to the village for you."
This is the joke from a category: Dirty jokes