Best Cell Phones

Love the moment, and the energy of that moment will spread beyond all boundaries.
Author: Corita Kent

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.
Author: Lucille Ball

Make a virtue of necessity.
Author: Geoffrey Chaucer

Make money your god and it will plague you like the devil.
Author: Henry Fielding

Make sure you have finished speaking before your audience has finished listening.
Author: Dorothy Sarnoff

Two ladies are in a bar and the first lady says, "Why are men the same as parking lots". So the second lady says "I don't know?" So the first lady says, " all the good ones are taken and the ones that are left are handicap!"
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer. The barman says 'Sorry we don't serve snails' and throws him out. A couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says... 'What did you do that for!'
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A pirate was talking to a "land-lubber" in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands, and a patch over one eye. The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He asked the pirate, "How did you loose your leg?" The pirate responded, "I lost me leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!" His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked, "What about you hand. Did you lose it at the same time?" "No," answered the pirate. "I lost it to the sharks off the Florida Keys." Finally, the land-lubber asked, "I notice you also have an eye patch. How did you lose your eye?" The pirate answered, "I was sleeping on a beach when a seagull flew over and crapped right in me eye." The land-lubber asked: "How could a little seagull crap make you loose your eye?" Th e pirate snapped, "It was the day after I got me hook."
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. "Sorry I can't serve you," states the barman. "Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice. "You're under 18," replies the barman.
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!