Best Cell Phones

I love drugs, but I hate hangovers, and the hatred of the hangover wins by a landslide every time.
Author: Margaret Cho

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all.
Author: Samuel Butler

It is by no means self-evident that human beings are most real when most violently excited; violent physical passions do not in themselves differentiate men from each other, but rather tend to reduce them to the same state.
Author: Thomas Elliot

I'm seventeen and I'm crazy. My uncle says the two always go together. When people ask your age, he said, always say seventeen and insane.
Author: Ray Bradbury

It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his job depends on not understanding it.
Author: Upton Sinclair

A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business started going bust and he found himself in serious financial trouble. He was so desperate that he decided to pray for help. "Oh Lord, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto". Lotto night arrived and somebody else won the prize. Joe again looked up and prayed... "Oh Lord, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well". Again, Lotto night came and went and Joe still had no luck. Once again, he prayed... "Oh, Lord, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Please just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order ... " Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light as the heavens opened and Joe was confronted by the voice of the Lord himself: "Joe, Meet Me Half Way On This One. Buy A Ticket!"
This is the joke from a category: Lotto jokes

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes

Men are like government bonds. They take so long to mature.
This is the joke from a category: Men jokes

What is the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist? If you say to a psychiatrist "I hate my mother," he will ask "Why do you say that?" while a psychologist will say "Thank you for sharing that with us."
This is the joke from a category: Mental health jokes

There was this General-in-training, and his superioirs were asking him questions "What happened on June 6, 1944?" "We stormed the beach at Normandy, which later became known as D-Day, sir!" "What was the turining point of wordl war 2?" "Battle of the bulge, sir!" "What's is the importance of May 12" The Man thought and thought "I don't know, sir!" The superior then said "Well, I'll tell your wife that you forgot her birhtday"
This is the joke from a category: Military jokes