Best Cell Phones

Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
Author: Erica Jong

Journal writing is a voyage to the interior.
Author: Christina Baldwin

Judge men not by their opinions, but by what their opinions have made of them.
Author: Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless.
Author: Thomas A. Edison

Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets.
Author: Unknown

A Jewish guy called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes into the synagogue and begins to pray "God, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto". Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Jacob goes back to the synagogue. "God, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well". Lotto night comes and Jacob still has no luck!! Back to the synagogue. "My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???". Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Jacob is confronted by the voice of GOD himself: "JACOB, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE, BUY A DAMN TICKET"
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.
This is the joke from a category: Restaurant jokes

A software manager, a hardware manager, and a marketing manager are driving to a meeting when a tire blows. They get out of the car and look at the problem. The software manager says, "I can't do anything about this - it's a hardware problem." The hardware manager says, "Maybe if we turned the car off and on again, it would fix itself." The marketing manager says, "Hey, 75% of it is working - let's ship it!"
This is the joke from a category: Salesmen jokes

Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4? Pupil: That's not fair! You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!
This is the joke from a category: School jokes

What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet? Wait until he's finished.
This is the joke from a category: Snake jokes