Best Cell Phones

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
Author: Emo Phillips

At the worst, a house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived.
Author: Dame Rose Macaulay

Attempt easy tasks as if they were difficult, and difficult as if they were easy; in the one case that confidence may not fall asleep, in the other that it may not be dismayed.
Author: Baltasar Gracian

Avarice, envy, pride, Three fatal sparks, have set the hearts of all On Fire.
Author: Dante Alighieri

Bad is never good until worse happens.
Author: Danish Proverb

What did Clinton say when accused of copying his homework from his girlfriend at Oxford? I did not have textual relations with that woman.
This is the joke from a category: Clinton jokes

In a survey of American women, when asked, "Would you sleep with President Clinton?" 86% replied, "Not again"
This is the joke from a category: Clinton jokes

Q: Why is Bill infuriated with Chelsea's new private school? A: They broke family tradition by making her wear a uniform.
This is the joke from a category: Clinton jokes

Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she's pregnant! She is furious. Here just became the senator of New York and this has happened to her. She gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: "How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you??!!! I can't believe this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault!!! Your fault!!! Well, what have you got to say???" There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams again, "Did you hear me??!!" Finally she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he says, "Who is this?"
This is the joke from a category: Clinton jokes

Q: What has Clinton done that no one has been able to do in the last 5 years? A: Unite the Republican Party.
This is the joke from a category: Clinton jokes