Best Cell Phones

To will is to select a goal, determine a course of action that will bring one to that goal, and then hold to that action till the goal is reached. The key is action.
Author: Michael Hanson

Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money.
Author: Joey Bishop

Tomas did not realize at the time that metaphors are dangerous. Metaphors are not to be trifled with. A single metaphor can give birth to love.
Author: Milan Kundera

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.
Author: George Burns

In mathematics you don't understand things. You just get used to them.
Author: Johann von Neumann

Why do they put a suicide watch on death row prisoners? Why would you care if a man you're planning to kill anyway, kills himself? Does it spoil the fun? I also think about the death row prisoner in Texas who, on the day before his execution, managed to take a drug overdose. They rushed him to a hospital, saved his life, then brought him back to prison and killed him. Apparently, just to anger him.
This is the joke from a category: Criminal jokes

Andy: "Doc, I had the worst dream of my life last night. I dreamed I was with twelve of the most beautiful chorus girls in the world. Blondes, brunettes, redheads, all dancing in a row." Doctor: "Hold it, Andy. That doesn't sound so terrible." Andy: Oh yeah? In the dream, I was the third girl from the end."
This is the joke from a category: Dance jokes

What's the difference between a very old, shaggy Yeti and a dead bee? One's a seedy beast and the other's a deceased bee.
This is the joke from a category: Dead and dying jokes

A husband and wife entered the dentist's office. The husband said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." "You're a brave man," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is." The husband turns to his wife and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
This is the joke from a category: Dentist jokes

Q: What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? A: What a lavaly day!
This is the joke from a category: Dinosaur jokes