Best Cell Phones

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Author: Rick Cook

You don't have to die in order to make a living.
Author: Lynn Johnston

You don't need a lot of the stuff you think you need.
Author: Jason Fried

You find yourself refreshed by the presence of cheerful people. Why not make an honest effort to confer that pleasure on others? Half the battle is gained if you never allow yourself to say anything gloomy.
Author: Lydia M. Child

You have not converted a man because you have silenced him.
Author: John Viscount Morley

A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York on a dark night. The passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, drives up on the sidewalk, and stops inches from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look friend, don't EVER do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologizes and says he didn't realize that a "little tap" could scare him so much. The driver, after gathering himself together replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving hearses for the last 25 years!
This is the joke from a category: Car and train jokes

A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone. "I was only going 40!" the driver protested. "Not according to my radar," the trooper said. "Yes, I was!" the man shouted back. "No you weren't!" the trooper said. With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said, 'Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking."
This is the joke from a category: Car and train jokes

A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. A very old woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions to Des Moines. "Don't know," the woman said. He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices. He looked in his rearview mirror and saw the woman and an equally old man waving for him to come back. So he made a U- turn and drove up to them. "This is my husband," the old woman said. "He doesn't know how to get to Des Moines either."
This is the joke from a category: Car and train jokes

One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter and beeped his car horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said, "I did that by accident." She replied, "I know that, daddy." He replied, "How'd you know?" The girl said, "Because you didn't say 'ASSHOLE!' afterwards!"
This is the joke from a category: Car and train jokes

Where do ghost trains stop? At devil crossings.
This is the joke from a category: Car and train jokes