Best Cell Phones

I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me - they're just, like, 'I can't believe you don't remember me!" I'm like, 'Oh Dad I'm sorry!'
Author: Ellen DeGeneres

I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.
Author: Matt Groening

I just never let anything bother me, man. I know myself really well. Nobody's opinion of me can shake my opinion of myself.
Author: Ruben Studdard

I knew someone had to take the first step and I made up my mind not to move.
Author: Rosa Parks

I know how men in exile feed on dreams of hope.
Author: Aeschylus

A first grade teacher explained to her class that she is a liberal Democrat. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were liberal Democrats, too. Not really knowing what a liberal Democrat was, but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands flew up into the air. There was one exception. A girl named Lucy had not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a liberal Democrat." "Then," asks the teacher, "What are you?" "Why I'm a proud conservative Republican," boasts the little girl. The teacher, a little perturbed and her face slightly red, asked Lucy why she is a conservative Republican. "Well, I was brought up to trust in myself instead of relying on an intrusive government to care for me and do all of my thinking. My Dad and Mom are conservative Republicans, and I am a conservative Republican too." The teacher, now angry, loudly says, "That's no reason! What if your Mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron? What would you be then?" The teacher paused and smiled. "Then," Lucy said, "I'd be a liberal Democrat."
This is the joke from a category: Political jokes

Two political candidates were having a hot debate. Finally, one of them jumped up and yelled at the other, "What about the powerful interest that controls you?" And the other guy screamed back, "You leave my wife out of this!"
This is the joke from a category: Political jokes

QUESTION: How long does a United States Congressman serve? ANSWER: Until he gets caught.
This is the joke from a category: Political jokes

Q: What has dual airbags and has lots of room? A: The White House.
This is the joke from a category: Political jokes

Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer. "I juggle them in my act." "Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it." So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"
This is the joke from a category: Police jokes