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I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
Author: Mark Twain

I say that a man must be certain of his morality for the simple reason that he has to suffer for it.
Author: G. K. Chesterton

I understand a fury in your words, But not the words.
Author: William Shakespeare

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
Author: Steven Wright

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know.
Author: Mark Twain

What did you learn in school today? Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow!
This is the joke from a category: School jokes

Pupil: I don't think I deserved zero on this test! Teacher: I agree, but that's the lowest mark I could give you!
This is the joke from a category: School jokes

Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said she was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?" "Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"
This is the joke from a category: School jokes

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $56 change.
This is the joke from a category: School jokes

Man: "How's your history paper coming?" Woman: "Well, my history professor suggested that I use the Internet for research, and it's been very helpful. Man: "Really?" Woman: "Yes! I've already located 17 people who sell them!"
This is the joke from a category: School jokes