Best Cell Phones

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
Author: Demetri Martin

I came to the realization that there were certain public issues that were most usefully dealt with within some sort of framework of at least my private beliefs, if not my private life.
Author: Anna Quindlen

I can forgive Alfred Nobel for having invented dynamite, but only a fiend in human form could have invented the Nobel Prize.
Author: George Bernard Shaw

I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens.
Author: Dwight D. Eisenhower

I cannot endure to waste anything as precious as autumn sunshine by staying in the house. So I spend almost all the daylight hours in the open air.
Author: Nathaniel Hawthorne

Why was the big, hairy, two-headed monster top of the class at school? Because two heads are better than one.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

Did you hear about the monster who sent his picture to a lonely hearts club? They sent it back saying they weren't that lonely!
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

Why did the monster drink ten liters of antifreeze? So that he didn't have to buy a winter coat.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

Where does the bride of Frankenstein have her hair done? At the ugly parlour.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes

Frankenstein: Help, I've got a short circuit! Igor: Don't worry, I'll lengthen it.
This is the joke from a category: Monster jokes