Best Cell Phones

When a dog runs at you, whistle for him.
Author: Henry David Thoreau

No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why.
Author: Mignon McLaughlin

When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.
Author: Mark Twain

When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.
Author: George Bernard Shaw

When Alexander the Great visited Diogenes and asked whether he could do anything for the famed teacher, Diogenes replied: 'Only stand out of my light.' Perhaps some day we shall know how to heighten creativity. Until then, one of the best things we can do
Author: John W. Gardner

What should you do if you find a snake in your bed? Sleep in the wardrobe.
This is the joke from a category: Bed jokes

What is a ghost-proof bicycle? One with no spooks in it.
This is the joke from a category: Bicycle jokes

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?" "Well honey..." said the slightly prudish mother, "the stork brought you to us." "Oh," said the boy, "and how did you and daddy get born?" "Oh, the stork brought us too." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" the boy persisted. "Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mother, by now starting to squirm a little. Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
This is the joke from a category: Biologist jokes

David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and terrible vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird's attitude. He was constantly saying polite words and playing soft music, he did anything he could think of. Nothing worked. When he yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. If he shook the bird, the bird got madder and ruder. Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions, so I ask for your forgiven ess. I will try to correct my behavior." David was astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had changed him when the parrot continued: "May I ask what the chicken did?"
This is the joke from a category: Bird jokes

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
This is the joke from a category: Birthday jokes