Best quotes to send by SMS
William Shakespeare By the pricking of my thumbs, Something wicked this way comes. Open, locks, Whoever knocks!
Author: William Shakespeare

Homer By their own follies they perished, the fools.
Author: Homer

Ambrose Bierce Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
Author: Ambrose Bierce

Clifford Stoll Call me a troglodyte; I'd rather peruse those photos alongside my sweetheart, catch the newspaper on the way to work, and page thorough a real book.
Author: Clifford Stoll

Bible Can the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots?
Author: Bible

The best jokes to send by SMS
Dirty jokes A big fat housewife is on her hands and knees, scrubbing the kitchen floor, when she suddenly yells to her husband, "Come here quick, Charlie! I'm paralyzed! I can't get up!" He comes in, takes a look, and says, "Stand up, you silly old bat. You're kneeling on one of your tits."
This is the joke from a category: Dirty jokes

Dirty jokes These two old men are in a nursing home. They're talking and realize that it's been years since they have had sex. So they sneak out and go to the closest whorehouse. Once inside they go to the Pimp and ask for the two best girls. The Pimp thought "I'm not going to waste my two best girls on these guys I'll just give them inflatable women. They are old and they won't know the difference." Once the old men finish they leave. On their way back they start talking. The first guy said, " I think mine was dead she didn't move or anything." The second guy said I think mine was a witch because when I nibbled on her neck she farted and flew out the window."
This is the joke from a category: Dirty jokes

Dirty jokes A little old lady shaking violently as she walks in to the pharmacy asks the salesperson "do you sell vibrators". Surprised by the request, the sales person says yes! The little old lady says: "Well, how do you turn the damn things off!"
This is the joke from a category: Dirty jokes

Dirty jokes This woman goes into a dentist's office, after he is through examining her he says: "I am sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill a tooth." The woman then says: "Ooooohhhh, I'd rather have a baby!" To which the dentist replies: "Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair."
This is the joke from a category: Dirty jokes

Dirty jokes Q: WHY ARE BLONDES LIKE PIANOS? A: When they aren't upright, they're grand.
This is the joke from a category: Dirty jokes