
By the pricking of my thumbs,
Something wicked this way comes.
Open, locks,
Whoever knocks!
Author: William Shakespeare
By their own follies they perished, the fools.
Author: Homer
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
Author: Ambrose Bierce
Call me a troglodyte; I'd rather peruse those photos alongside my sweetheart, catch the newspaper on the way to work, and page thorough a real book.
Author: Clifford Stoll
Can the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots?
Author: Bible

A big fat housewife is on her hands and
knees, scrubbing the kitchen
floor, when she suddenly yells to her
husband, "Come here quick,
Charlie!
I'm paralyzed! I can't get
up!" He comes in, takes a look, and says,
"Stand up, you silly old
bat. You're kneeling on one of your
tits."
This is the joke from a category: Dirty jokes
These two old men are in a nursing home.
They're talking and
realize that it's been years since they have had
sex. So they sneak out
and go to the closest whorehouse. Once inside
they go to the Pimp and
ask for the two best girls. The Pimp thought
"I'm not going to waste my
two best girls on these guys I'll just
give them inflatable women.
They are old and they won't know the
difference."
Once the old men finish they leave. On their way back
they start
talking. The first guy said, " I think mine was dead she
didn't move or
anything." The second guy said I think mine was a
witch because when I
nibbled on her neck she farted and flew out the
window."
This is the joke from a category: Dirty jokes
A little
old lady shaking violently as she
walks in to the pharmacy asks the
salesperson "do you sell
vibrators". Surprised by the request, the sales
person says yes! The little
old lady says: "Well, how do you turn the
damn things off!"
This is the joke from a category: Dirty jokes
This woman goes into a dentist's office,
after he is through examining her he says: "I am sorry to tell you this,
but I am going to have to drill a tooth." The woman then says:
"Ooooohhhh, I'd rather have a baby!" To which the dentist replies:
"Make
up your mind, I have to adjust the chair."
This is the joke from a category: Dirty jokes
Q: WHY ARE BLONDES LIKE PIANOS?
A: When they
aren't upright, they're grand.
This is the joke from a category: Dirty jokes