Best Cell Phones

When people think the world of you, be careful with them.
Author: Margaret Cho

I pray you bear me henceforth from the noise and rumour of the field, where I may think the remnant of my thoughts in peace, and part of this body and my soul with contemplation and devout desires.
Author: William Shakespeare

When the bold branches Bid farewell to rainbow leaves - Welcome wool sweaters.
Author: B. Cybrill

When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers.
Author: Oscar Wilde

Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.
Author: Wilson Mizner

A man who worked at a fire hydrant factory was always late for work. When confronted by his boss the man explained: "You can't park anywhere near this place!"
This is the joke from a category: Firefighter jokes

A jogger running down a country road is startled as a horse yells at him "Hey-come over hear buddy". The jogger is stunned but runs over to the fence where the horse is standing and asks"Were you talking to me"? The horse replies"Sure was, man I've got a problem. I won the Kentucky Derby a few years ago and this farmer bought me and now all I do is pull a plow and I'm sick of it. Why don't you run up to the house and offer him $5,000 to buy me. I'll make you some money cause I can still run." The jogger thought to himself,"boy a talking horse" Dollar signs started appearing in his head. So he runs to the house and the old farmer is sitting on the porch. The jogger tells the farmer"Hey man I'll give you $5,000 for that old broken down nag you've got in the field". The farmer replies"Son you can't believe anything that horse says-He's never even been to Kentucky.
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes

Q:what do you catch when you go ice fishing A:a cold
This is the joke from a category: Fishing jokes

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest. "Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."
This is the joke from a category: Food jokes

I'd like a new frog, please. But you bought one only yesterday. What happened? It Kermit-ted suicide.
This is the joke from a category: Frog jokes