Best Cell Phones

I have a problem about being nearly sixty: I keep waking up in the morning and thinking I'm thirty-one.
Author: Elizabeth Janeway

If you can get nothing better out of the world, get a good dinner out of it, at least.
Author: Herman Melville

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
Author: George Bernard Shaw

If you can't change your fate, change your attitude.
Author: Amy Tan

If you don't find it in the index, look very carefully through the entire catalogue.
Author: Unknown

A police officer was amazed to see a hiker walking along the road carrying a sign which read "To Seattle." "What are you doing with that?" asked the police officer. "I'm walking to Seattle," said the hiker, "and I don't want to lose my way."
This is the joke from a category: Travel and tourist jokes

Guest: Why did you offer me a piece of candy? Hotel Clerk: You said you wanted the best suite in the hotel.
This is the joke from a category: Travel and tourist jokes

Joan, who was rather well-proportioned, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday." "What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."
This is the joke from a category: Travel and tourist jokes

"I can't believe it," said the tourist. "I've been here an entire week and it's done nothing but rain. When do you have summer here?" "Well, that's hard to say," replied the local. "Last year, it was on a Wednesday."
This is the joke from a category: Travel and tourist jokes

Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? They couldn't get the moose in the oven!
This is the joke from a category: Various animal jokes