Best Cell Phones

I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience.
Author: Shelley Winters

I think that anyone who comes upon a Nautilus machine suddenly will agree with me that its prototype was clearly invented at some time in history when torture was considered a reasonable alternative to diplomacy.
Author: Anna Quindlen

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
Author: Mark Twain

I say that a man must be certain of his morality for the simple reason that he has to suffer for it.
Author: G. K. Chesterton

I understand a fury in your words, But not the words.
Author: William Shakespeare

What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot? A bite in shining armor.
This is the joke from a category: Vampire jokes

MUMMY VAMPIRE: Jimmy, hurry up and drink your soup before it clots.
This is the joke from a category: Vampire jokes

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response... click.
This is the joke from a category: Travel and tourist jokes

"Were you in Paris on your vacation?" "I don't know, my wife got the tickets."
This is the joke from a category: Travel and tourist jokes

A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida. "Is it true," he asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?" "That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."
This is the joke from a category: Travel and tourist jokes