Best Cell Phones

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Author: Henny Youngman

I trust that everything happens for a reason, even when we're not wise enough to see it.
Author: Oprah Winfrey

I used to wake up at 4 A.M. and start sneezing, sometimes for five hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness.
Author: James Thurber

I view my job as being someone who is supposed to piss people off. I don't want to be just one-of-the-guys. I don't want to be just a smiling face you see on television presenting some vapid kind of easily- digestible garbage. This is rock and roll. I wan
Author: Marilyn Manson

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
Author: Rita Rudner

Name the pig's favorite Shakespeare play. Hamlet.
This is the joke from a category: Pig jokes

The hog was a failure as a TV talk show host What happened? He turned out to be a big boar.
This is the joke from a category: Pig jokes

What did the mama pig say when junior pig bought a basket of wormy apples? "Don't tell the farmer. He might charge us extra."
This is the joke from a category: Pig jokes

What do hip pigs call their ladies? Fine swine.
This is the joke from a category: Pig jokes

What do pigs drive? Pig-up trucks!
This is the joke from a category: Pig jokes