Best Cell Phones

Strong lives are motivated by dynamic purposes.
Author: Kenneth Hildebrand

I dwell in possibility...
Author: Emily Dickinson

Such evil deeds could religion prompt.
Author: Lucretius

Suicidal glory is the luxury of the irresponsible. We're not giving up. We're waiting for a better opportunity to win.
Author: Lois McMaster Bujold

Never despair; but if you do, work on in despair.
Author: Edmund Burke

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. All to no avail though, as she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice, and generally making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride. While they were walking through the barn, during the forced inspection, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. It was a shock to all no matter their feelings toward her demanding ways. At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes a nd say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake his head no, and mumble a reply. Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about. The farmer replied, "The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.' The men would then ask, 'Can I borrow that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'"
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes

A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car. A cloud of feathers. Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse, rang the door bell. A farmer appeared. The man, somewhat nervously said, "I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him." "Suit yourself," the farmer replied, "you can go join the other chickens that are around the back."
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes

On a drive in the country, a city slicker noticed a farmer lifting a pig up to an apple tree and holding the pig there as it ate one apple after another. "Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about," said the city slicker, "but if you just shook the tree so the apples fell to the ground, wouldn't it save a lot of time?" "Time?" said the farmer. "What does time matter to a pig?"
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes

An old farmer is driving down a country road in his pickup truck when it starts making an awful noise. He stops the truck and crawls underneath to investigate the problem. "Hmmm...muffler's loose. I bet I could fix that if I had a Monkey Wrench." He says. He crawls out from underneath the truck and looks down the road. Off in the distance he sees a small house. There is a black woman and several small black children playing in the yard. The Farmer yells to her "Hey Miss, do you happen to have Monkey Wrench?" "What?" She yells back. "A Monkey Wrench!!?" He screams. "What?" "MONKEY WRENCH!!?...MONKEY WRENCH!!?" "Naw, this ain't no Monkey Ranch, its a Day Care Center!"
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes

How did the aliens hurt the farmer? They trod on his corn.
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes