Best Cell Phones

I catnap now and then, but I think while I nap, so it's not a waste of time.
Author: Martha Stewart

I consider being ill as one of the great pleasures of life, provided one is not too ill.
Author: Samuel Butler

I could not at any age be content to take my place in a corner by the fireside and simply look on.
Author: Eleanor Roosevelt

I do not know the American gentleman, god forgive me for putting two such words together.
Author: Charles Dickens

I do not take a single newspaper, nor read one a month, and I feel myself infinitely the happier for it.
Author: Thomas Jefferson

An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most. "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished. He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practic ed black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life? The wife put down her drink and said..."let the old bastard dig. I had him buried upside down."
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes

Wife: "Do you think of me when you're away darling?" Husband: "Yes honey, I always bare you in mind."
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight." he said. That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams"
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes

Mrs. Culpepper was almost in tears. "Oh Marie," she said to her maid, "I have reason to suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary." "I don't believe it for one minute !" Marie snapped."You're just saying that to make me jealous !!!"
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes

The newlyweds arrived at the front desk of the posh ocean-side resort in Hilton Head, South Carolina, looking all fresh, and eager to enjoy their two week vacation/honeymoon. The stunning blonde at the front desk smiled and said, "Well, hi Jimmy, how ya been lover ? Long time no see." A frosty silence prevailed until the couple reached their room. Once inside, the piqued bride demanded: "And just who was THAT woman ?!?!?" The groom wiped his brow and said, "Just relax honey. Please ! I'm going to have enuff trouble explaining you to her."
This is the joke from a category: Marriage jokes