Best Cell Phones

It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.
Author: Bible

In real life, unlike in Shakespeare, the sweetness of the rose depends upon the name it bears. Things are not only what they are. They are, in very important respects, what they seem to be.
Author: Hubert H. Humphrey

You must learn to face the fact, always, that you choose to do what you do, and that everything you do affects not only you but others.
Author: Holly Lisle

You must pray that the way be long, full of adventures and experiences.
Author: Constantine Peter Cavafy

The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
Author: Henry David Thoreau

Every night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him, for his constant nights out, and coming home in a drunken state. But, Harry continued his nightly routine. One day, the wife was talking to a friend about her husband's behavior, and was particularly distraught by it all. The friend listened to her, and then said, "Why don't you treat him a little differently, when he comes home? Instead of berating him, why don't you give him some loving words, and welcome him home with a kiss? He then might change his ways." The wife thought that might be a good idea. That night, Harry took off again, after dinner. And, about midnight, he arrived home, in his usual condition. His wife heard him at the door, and quickly went to it, and opened the door, and let Harry in. This time, instead of berating him, as she had always done, she took his arm, and led him into the living room. She sat him down in an easy chair, put his feet up on the ottoman and took his shoes off. Then she went behind him, and started to cuddle him a little. After a little while, she said to him, "It's pretty late, dear. I think we had better go upstairs to bed, now, don't you think?" At that, Harry replied, in his inebriated state, "I guess we might as well. I'll be getting in trouble with the stupid wife when I get home anyway!"
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

Two men walked into a bar. You would think at least one of them would have ducked.
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

Monahan stumbled into a saloon, half crocked. "Say," he said to the bartender, "how tall is a penguin?" "About two and a half feet." "Thank God!" cried Monahan. "I thought I ran over a nun!"
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

Q: What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they walked into the bar? A: Ok you 2, dont start anything
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. "Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender, clearly in trouble. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room."
This is the joke from a category: Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!