Best Cell Phones

I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.
Author: George Burns

Prefer loss to the wealth of dishonest gain; the former vexes you for a time; the latter will bring you lasting remorse.
Author: Chilo

Pride grows in the human heart like lard on a pig.
Author: Alexander Solzhenitsyn

Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.
Author: Ogden Nash

Proof is the idol before whom the pure mathematician tortures himself.
Author: Sir Arthur Eddington

Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend? A: He's the one with the belt buckle that matches the impression in her forehead.
This is the joke from a category: Dirty jokes

Q: Why do saunas remind some people of blonde's? A: Because they're both steaming and wet when you enter, and they don't mind if you bring friends.
This is the joke from a category: Dirty jokes

Male secretary : "Feel free to use my dictaphone." New blonde employee : "No thanks, I'll just use my finger like everyone else."
This is the joke from a category: Dirty jokes

A man got on a plane and sat next to a blonde, after sitting for awhile she sneezed, took out a tissue and whipped her box. The man not knowing her said nothing and went about his business. After about 3 or 4 minutes she sneezed again and, the same thing, whipped her box. Finally, the man got the nerve and asked "what was wrong?" She said that every time she sneezes she has an orgasm. "Oh!" the man said, are you taking anything for it? "Yes", she said - "black pepper!"
This is the joke from a category: Dirty jokes

A blonde and a brunette were talking. The brunette complained, "Everytime my boyfriend brings home flowers, I have to to spend the weekend with my legs in the air." The blonde asks, "Don't you have a vase?"
This is the joke from a category: Dirty jokes