Best Cell Phones

It is, I think, an indisputable fact that Americans are, as Americans, the most self- conscious people in the world, and the most addicted to the belief that the other nations are in a conspiracy to under-value them.
Author: Henry James

It's also helpful to realize that this very body that we have, that's sitting right here right now... with its aches and it pleasures... is exactly what we need to be fully human, fully awake, fully alive.
Author: Pema Chodron

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Author: Jerry Seinfeld

It's better to do nothing with your money than something you don't understand.
Author: Suze Orman

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
Author: Unknown

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo ? Big holes all over Australia !
This is the joke from a category: Elephant jokes

Fred: You've got a Roman nose. Harry: Like Julius Caesar? Fred: No, it's roamin' all over your face.
This is the joke from a category: Face jokes

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now." The mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!" The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence". The Mexican man of course agrees. The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence." The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"
This is the joke from a category: Ethnic jokes

How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb? Four - three to cut a hole in the roof and one to change the bulb.
This is the joke from a category: Firefighter jokes

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went thr ough your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning."
This is the joke from a category: Farmer jokes