Best Cell Phones

Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits.
Author: Satchel Paige

Sometimes old things need to go away. That way, we have room for the new things that come into our lives.
Author: Randy K. Milholland

I never saw an ugly thing in my life: for let the form of an object be what it may - light, shade, and perspective will always make it beautiful.
Author: John Constable

Sometimes when we are generous in small, barely detectable ways it can change someone else's life forever.
Author: Margaret Cho

Sin bravely...We will never have all the facts to make a perfect judgement, but with the aid of basic experience we must leap bravely into the future.
Author: Russell R. McIntyre

Q: How many Polish-Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 170. One to send the Never Fail Novena to the Cheektowaga Times for publication so St. Jude may grant the lightbulb request, one to say the Last Rites for the old lightbulb, ten volunteer firemen to break into the house and smash the old light bulb to bits, fifty to protest the abortion of the old lightbulb, ten to organize a lawn fete and spaghetti dinner at Our Most Holy Precious Blood of the Seventeen Martyred Saints R.C. Church to raise funds to buy a new light bulb (and the Monsignor a new pair of bowling shoes as a gift on St. Stanislaus Day), twenty from Chiavettas Catering to serve the food, twenty to run the Monte Carlo gambling tent, fifty to run everything else, one to go to Koplinskis Appliances to buy the light bulb, one to screw it in, five to say the Rosary as the bulb is being screwed in, and the Monsignor to bless it.
This is the joke from a category: Ethnic jokes

What is the most common educational degree in New Mexico? Kindergarten dropout.
This is the joke from a category: Ethnic jokes

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now." The mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!" The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence". The Mexican man of course agrees. The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence." The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"
This is the joke from a category: Ethnic jokes

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard. "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87." "That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole. It says here that he was 95 when he died." Just then, Shamus yells out, "But here's a fella that died when he was 145 years old!" "What was his name?" asks Paddy. Shamus lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."
This is the joke from a category: Ethnic jokes

Q: What's delaying the Polish space program? A: Development of a working match.
This is the joke from a category: Ethnic jokes