Best Cell Phones

Incompetents invariably make trouble for people other than themselves.
Author: Larry McMurtry

I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
Author: E. B. White

Innately, children seem to have little true realistic anxiety. They will run along the brink of water, climb on the window sill, play with sharp objects and with fire, in short, do everything that is bound to damage them and to worry those in charge of th
Author: Sigmund Freud

Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy.
Author: Nora Ephron

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Author: Thomas A. Edison

What is a ghost-proof bicycle? One with no spooks in it.
This is the joke from a category: Bicycle jokes

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?" "Well honey..." said the slightly prudish mother, "the stork brought you to us." "Oh," said the boy, "and how did you and daddy get born?" "Oh, the stork brought us too." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" the boy persisted. "Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mother, by now starting to squirm a little. Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
This is the joke from a category: Biologist jokes

David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and terrible vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird's attitude. He was constantly saying polite words and playing soft music, he did anything he could think of. Nothing worked. When he yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. If he shook the bird, the bird got madder and ruder. Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions, so I ask for your forgiven ess. I will try to correct my behavior." David was astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had changed him when the parrot continued: "May I ask what the chicken did?"
This is the joke from a category: Bird jokes

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
This is the joke from a category: Birthday jokes

Q: Why don't blind people skydive? A: It scares the heck out of the dog.
This is the joke from a category: Blind jokes