Best Cell Phones

I pray thee cease thy counsel, Which falls into mine ears as profitless as water in a sieve.
Author: William Shakespeare

When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
Author: Henry J. Kaiser

Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives.
Author: Oscar Wilde

Whenever I hear the word culture, I reach for my revolver.
Author: Hanns Johst

The best effect of any book is that it excites the reader to self-activity.
Author: Thomas Carlyle

A woman at a gas station noticed a spaceship landing in front of her. An alien stepped out of the spaceship and started to pump gas into it. The woman noticed the letters ''U.F.O.'' printed on the side of the ship. She turned to the alien and asked ''Does U.F.O. stand for Unidentified Flying Object?'' The alien answered, ''No, it stands for Unleaded Fuel Only!''
This is the joke from a category: Space jokes

Where do football directors go when they are fed up? The bored room!
This is the joke from a category: Sport jokes

The young lad had applied for a job, and was asked his full name. "Aloysius Montmorency Geoghan," he replied. "How do you spell that?" asked the manager. "Er ? sir ? er ? can't you just put it down without spelling it?"
This is the joke from a category: Spelling jokes

A man coughed violently, and his false teeth shot across the room and smashed against the wall. "Oh, dear," he said, "whatever shall I do? I can't afford a new set." "Don't worry," said his friend. "I'll get a pair from my brother for you." The next day the friend came back with the teeth, which fitted perfectly. "This is wonderful," said the man. "Your brother must be a very good dentist." "Oh, he's not a dentist," replied the friend, "he's an undertaker."
This is the joke from a category: Teeth jokes

At three o'clock one morning a veterinary surgeon was woken from a deep sleep by the ringing of his telephone. He staggered downstairs and answered the phone. "I'm sorry if I woke you," said a voice at the other end of the line. "That's all right," said the vet, "I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway."
This is the joke from a category: Telephone jokes