Best Cell Phones

I spend almost as much time figuring out what's wrong with my computer as I do actually using it.
Author: Clifford Stoll

I thank God I am as honest as any man living that is an old man and no honester than I.
Author: William Shakespeare

I can't bring myself to say, 'Well, I guess I'll be toddling along.' It isn't that I can't toddle. It's just that I can't guess I'll toddle.
Author: Robert Benchley

I think people want their illusions and writers are mostly illusion. When you read their words, you read a flattened, incomplete version of the writer.
Author: Real Live Preacher

I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.
Author: Ogden Nash

Jane's father decided to take all the family out to a restaurant for a meal. As he'd spent quite a lot of money for the meal he said to the waiter, "Could I have a bag to take the leftovers home for the dog?" "Gosh!" exclaimed Jane, "Are we getting a dog?"
This is the joke from a category: Restaurant jokes

Eulus stood in front of the take-out window of a Rawl-ins fast food restaurant. "I want two hamburgers," he said. "One with onions, and one without." The counter man: "Okay. Which one's without the onions?"
This is the joke from a category: Restaurant jokes

Hello? Fred's Restaurant. Hello! I'd like to know, do you serve crabs? We serve anyone, sir! Come on in!
This is the joke from a category: Restaurant jokes

A out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here." "You'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the harried and now irritated waiter, "I can only serve one table at a time."
This is the joke from a category: Restaurant jokes

There was an awful fight at the seafood restaurant. Four fish got battered!
This is the joke from a category: Restaurant jokes