Best Cell Phones

I hate television. I hate it as much as I hate peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts.
Author: Orson Welles

I have Immortal longings in me.
Author: William Shakespeare

I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room.
Author: Blaise Pascal

I have everything, yet have nothing; and although I possess nothing, still of nothing am I in want.
Author: Terence

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.
Author: Fred Allen

A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist. He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better. The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."
This is the joke from a category: Mental health jokes

Fred: "Why are you so upset?" Harry: "My wife introduced me to her psychiatrist this morning." Fred: "So what?" Harry: "So she said to him, 'Doctor, this is my husband. You know, one of the men I've been telling you about'."
This is the joke from a category: Mental health jokes

What do you know when you see three rabbits walking down the street wearing tuxedos and top hats? You know you need a psychiatrist!
This is the joke from a category: Mental health jokes

As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son had an announcement to make: He'd just signed up at an army recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit pulling our legs," snickered one: "You didn't really do that, did you?" "I'm positive you'd never get through basic training" scoffed another. The new recruit looked to his mother for help; but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, it was to voice a single question: "Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"
This is the joke from a category: Military jokes

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000. Now," he concluded, "which group do you think they are going to send into battle first?"
This is the joke from a category: Military jokes