Best quotes to send by SMS
William Shakespeare Fill all thy bones with aches.
Author: William Shakespeare

Seneca Fire is the test of gold; adversity, of strong men.
Author: Seneca

Jewish Proverb First mend yourself, and then mend others.
Author: Jewish Proverb

Martin Niemoeller First they came for the Communists but I was not a Communist so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Socialists and the Trade Unionists but I was not one of them, so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Jews but I was not Jewish so I did not
Author: Martin Niemoeller

Josh Billings Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt of, not swallowed.
Author: Josh Billings

The best jokes to send by SMS
Journalist jokes A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man. She asks: "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that and what are you praying for?" The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth." The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks. The old man looks at her sadly. "Like I'm talking to a wall."
This is the joke from a category: Journalist jokes

Journalist jokes Q: How many journalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Three. One to report it as an inspired government program to bring light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government plot to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a pulitzer prize for reporting that Electric Company hired a lightbulb assassin to break the bulb in the first place.
This is the joke from a category: Journalist jokes

Journalist jokes What do you get if you cross a radio music presenter with Match of the Day ? DDDDDDDDDDDDDJ !
This is the joke from a category: Journalist jokes

Journalist jokes Q: How many editors does it take to change a lightbulb? A: It was supposed to be in place last week!
This is the joke from a category: Journalist jokes

Judge jokes A young woman was appearing in court to face a public disorder charge. The charges were read out, and she was asked how she pleaded. "Not guilty," the woman answered emphatically. The prosecution council then approached the woman and said: "Is it true that on the 11th of December, last year, you committed an act of gross indecency with a one-legged dwarf - who was waving a union jack - on the roof of a car, whilst travelling at over 100mph through the center of London, in a blizzard?" The woman composed herself, looked straight at the prosecution council and calmly said: "What was the date again?"
This is the joke from a category: Judge jokes