Best Cell Phones

I don't believe in a government that protects us from ourselves.
Author: Ronald Reagan

I don't know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.
Author: Bob Hope

I don't like the sound of all those lists he's making - it's like taking too many notes at school; you feel you've achieved something when you haven't.
Author: Dodie Smith

I don't think you're a very good friend if you're always being supportive. You also have to add criticism.
Author: Jason Kottke

I don't want to be a passenger in my own life.
Author: Diane Ackerman

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it home and parked it in the street between their establishments. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he ran out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it" the priest replied. The rabbi replied "Oh," then he ran back into the synagogue. He reappeared a few minutes later with a hack saw, ran to the car and cut off the last 2 inches of the tailpipe.
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

A few years ago, when the Catholic church reform began to be much in the news, Mrs. Moskowitz said to Mrs. Finkelstein, "Tell me, Becky, have you heard by chance what's going on in Rome?" "No," said Mrs Finkelstein. "I haven't. What's going on in Rome?" "A meeting of high Catholic churchmen has, among other things, decided that the Jews are not responsible for the crucifixion of Jesus." Mrs Finkelstein raised her eyebrows. "Indeed? And who is responsible, then?" "I'm not sure," said Mrs. Moskowitz. "I think they suspect the Puerto Ricans."
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

Paul says to Jesus, "Hey man, whatcha doing for Passover?" Jesus says, "Just hanging around."
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

Jesus and Moses are sitting in a boat fishing and Jesus says to Moses "I want to do a miracle so we can feel like the good old days." and Moses says "Yeah sure." So Jesus gets up and says "I think I'll walk on the water, that was always a good one." So Jesus walks over to the edge of the boat, steps into the water, and sinks like a stone. Moses drags Jesus back into the boat and revives him. Moses then says "What's the problem?" and Jesus says, "I think its the holes in my feet!"
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes

The church was conducting its annual fund drive. One member of the congregation said, "I give ten dollars." Just then, a piece of plaster fell from the ceiling and landed on his head. He spoke up again quickly. "I give a thousand dollars!" The minister said, "Lord, hit him again!"
This is the joke from a category: Religious jokes