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I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.
Author: William H. Mauldin

I felt like poisoning a monk.
Author: Umberto Eco

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Author: Groucho Marx

I hate television. I hate it as much as I hate peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts.
Author: Orson Welles

I have Immortal longings in me.
Author: William Shakespeare

Question: If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
This is the joke from a category: Men jokes

A neighbor of mine was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing furiously. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will. He said, "Will, what will? I'm making a list of people I'm gonna bite."
This is the joke from a category: Men jokes

What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician? A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!
This is the joke from a category: Mental health jokes

Two psychologists meet at their twentieth college reunion. One of them looks like he just graduated, while the other psychologist looks old, worried and withered. The older looking one asks the other, "What's your secret? Listening to other people's problems every day, all day long, for years on end, has made an old man of me." The younger looking one replies, "Who listens?"
This is the joke from a category: Mental health jokes

Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good night's sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different. A few weeks later, Joe's former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful. "Doc!" Joe says, "It's amazing! I'm cured!" "That's great news!" the psychoanalyst says. "you seem to be doing much better. How?" "I went to see another doctor," Joe says enthusiastically, "and he cured me in just ONE session!" "One?!" the psychoanalyst asks incredulously. "Yeah," continues Joe, "my new doctor is a behaviorist." "A behaviorist?" the psychoanalyst asks. "How did he cure you in one session?" "Oh, easy," says Joe. "He told me to cut the legs off of my bed."
This is the joke from a category: Mental health jokes