Best Cell Phones

If you can get nothing better out of the world, get a good dinner out of it, at least.
Author: Herman Melville

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
Author: George Bernard Shaw

If you can't change your fate, change your attitude.
Author: Amy Tan

If you don't find it in the index, look very carefully through the entire catalogue.
Author: Unknown

If you don't know what to do, call the media and at least give the appearance of doing something.
Author: David Peterson

Fred came home from his first day at school. "Nothing exciting happened", he told his mother, "Except the teacher didn't know how to spell cat so I told her"
This is the joke from a category: School jokes

An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I put it in a safe, but lost the combination!
This is the joke from a category: School jokes

A college business professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the day's lecture. Of course, he made sure to pick on his tardy pupil. "And who was it that developed the theories behind communism?" the professor asked. "I don't know," the student said. "Perhaps if you came to class on time, Mr. Reebs, you would know," said the professor. "That's not true," the student replied. "I never pay attention anyway!"
This is the joke from a category: School jokes

Introductory Chemistry was taught at Duke University for many years by professor Bonk. One year, two guys took the class and did pretty well on all the quizzes and mid-terms--so much so that going into the final, they each had a solid A. These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week, despite the Chemistry final being on Monday, they decided to go to the Uuniversity of Virginina to party with some friends. They did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and tiredness, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found professor Bonk after the final and explained to him how they missed the final. They told him they went up to the University of Virgina for the weekend and had planned to come back in time to study, but they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare. They couldn't fix it for a long time and were late getting back to campus. Bonk thought this over and agreed that they could take the final the following day. The two guys, elated and relieved, studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet. He told them to begin. They looked at the first problem which was something simple about molarity and solutions; it was worth 5 points. "Cool," they thought, "this is going to be an easy final". They then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on it. The question contained only two words: (95 points) Which tire?
This is the joke from a category: School jokes

"Dad, can you write in the dark?" "I think so. What is it you want me to write?" "Your name on this report card."
This is the joke from a category: School jokes