Best Cell Phones

I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.
Author: Augusten Burroughs

It is when power is wedded to chronic fear that it becomes formidable.
Author: Eric Hoffer

It is wonderful how quickly you get used to things, even the most astonishing.
Author: Edith Nesbitt

Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.
Author: Bill Cosby

It takes in reality only one to make a quarrel. It is useless for the sheep to pass resolutions in favour of vegetarianism while the wolf remains of a different opinion.
Author: William Ralph Inge

A biologist was interested in studying how far bullfrogs can jump. He brought a bullfrog into his laboratory, set it down, and commanded, "Jump, frog, jump!" The frog jumped across the room. The biologist measured the distance, then noted in his journal, "Frog with four legs jumped eight feet." Then he cut the frog's front legs off. Again he ordered, "Jump, frog, jump!" The frog struggled a moment, then jumped a few feet. After measuring the distance, the biologist noted in his journal, "Frog with two legs jumped three feet." Next, the biologist cut off the frog's back legs. Once more, he shouted, "Jump, frog, jump!" The frog just lay there. "Jump, frog, jump!" the biologist repeated. Nothing. The biologist noted in his journal, "Frog with no legs - lost its hearing."
This is the joke from a category: Biologist jokes

Q: What is a crowbar? A: A place were crows go to get a drink!
This is the joke from a category: Bird jokes

Johnny was racing around the garden on his new bicycle and called out to his mother to watch his tricks. 'Look, Mum! No hands! Look, Mum! No feet! Waaah! Look, Mum! No teeth!'
This is the joke from a category: Birthday jokes

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered. "But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered: "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."
This is the joke from a category: Blind jokes

A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked, "Where did you get that?" The pig replied, "I won her in a raffle!"
This is the joke from a category: Blonde jokes