Best Cell Phones

It never pays to deal with the flyweights of the world. They take far too much pleasure in thwarting you at every turn.
Author: Sue Grafton

No. Men should die for lies. But the truth is too precious to die for.
Author: Terry Pratchett

Nobody can tell you if what you're doing is good, meaningful or worthwhile. The more compelling the path, the more lonely it is.
Author: Hugh Macleod

Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein.
Author: Joe Theismann

Nobody will believe in you unless you believe in yourself.
Author: Liberace

On the first day his son joined the family firm, the founder took him on to the roof of the factory building and said, 'I am going to give you your very first lesson in business. Stand on the edge of the roof.' Reluctantly, the boy went to stand on the edge of the roof. 'Now,' said his father, 'when I say, "Jump," I want you to jump off the roof.' 'But, Dad,' said the boy, 'there's a huge drop!' 'Do you want to succeed in business?' 'Yes, Dad.' 'And you trust me, don't you?' 'Yes, Dad.' 'So do as I say and jump.' The boy jumped. He crashed to the ground and lay there, winded and bruised. His father went racing down the stairs and ran up to him. That was your first lesson in business, son. Never trust anyone.'
This is the joke from a category: Business jokes

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building. "Your workers, they're escaping!" cries the visitor. "You've got to stop them." "Don't worry, they'll be back," says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o'clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break. When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, "Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?" "Forget the machines," says the visitor. "How much do you want for that whistle?"
This is the joke from a category: Business jokes

Boss: "I can assure you that the value of the average employee will continue to increase." Employee: "That's because there will be fewer of us doing more work, right?" Boss: "Right. Except for the 'us' part."
This is the joke from a category: Business jokes

Kelly was standing in front of Cohan's Tavern when he saw a driverless car rolling slowly down the street. He ran to the car, jumped in, and pulled on the emergency brake with a jerk. Kelly got out and very proudly said to the man approaching him, "I stopped it!" "I know, you idiot!" said the man. "I was pushing it!"
This is the joke from a category: Car and train jokes

A young man comes home and says "Dad, just got my driver's license and would like to use the family car." Father replies, :"O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we'll see." Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. "Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I've been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?" Father replies, "That's all true, but son you didn't cut your hair." Son says, "But, dad, Jesus had long hair." Father replies, "Yes, son, you're perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went."
This is the joke from a category: Car and train jokes