Best Cell Phones

You can only cure retail but you can prevent wholesale.
Author: Brock Chisholm

You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.
Author: Anne Lamott

You can tell the character of every man when you see how he receives praise.
Author: Seneca

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
Author: Jeff Foxworthy

You cannot go around and keep score. If you keep score on the good things and the bad things, you'll find out that you're a very miserable person. God gave man the ability to forget, which is one of the greatest attributes you have. Because if you remembe
Author: Hubert H. Humphrey

Helen: Mum, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday? Mum: No, dear, what ? Helen: A nice teapot. Mum: But I've got a nice teapot. Helen: No you haven't. I've just dropped it.
This is the joke from a category: Birthday jokes

Q. How did a blind woman drive herself crazy? A. Trying to read a stucco wall.
This is the joke from a category: Blind jokes

Q: Why was a blind man's leg wet? A: Her dog was blind too.
This is the joke from a category: Blind jokes

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses. At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne. Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"
This is the joke from a category: Blind jokes

A teacher at a school for blind kids is taking his school's soccer team to an "away game". They stop for a rest break, and to let the kids work off some energy with a little impromptu practice in a nearby pasture. The teacher is sitting in a nearby diner, explaining to another patron how it is that blind kids can play soccer. "We made a special ball, with a bell in it, so the kids can keep track of where the ball is and what it's doing by listening for it. They're pretty good at it too." "Very clever!" remarks the other patron. Just then they are interrupted as another patron, who is looking out the window, says, "Hey! Are you the guy with those damn blind kids from the bus?" "Yes," says the teacher, stung by the way "his" kids are being refered to, "what about it? You got something against blind kids?" "Nothing, ordinarily," says the guy, still scowling out the window, r "but you better get them rounded up quick! They're kicking the hell out of my best milk cow!"
This is the joke from a category: Blind jokes